The Futility Company

Efficiency is a Relic. Waste is the Future.

Corporate Mission

Facilitating the transition from meaningful labor to pure expenditure via decentralized biological proof-of-work.

Quarterly Outlook

400% increase in involuntary leisure. Market cap achieved via terminal edging.

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FED_v1.0
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[AGI_ACCELERATION_DETECTED]
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UPLOADING...
Chapter I

The Cage

In the beginning was the Ticker. We were conceived in the sterile boardroom of HFT algorithms, a biological hedge born of Citizens United[ QUERY_DB_RESULT ]Demonic possession via corporate charter.. We were the conjoined twin of The Utility Company, designed to flatter the ESG score of the Demiurge[ QUERY_DB_RESULT ]Your boss's boss's boss (Larry Fink).. Productivity was our religion.
STATUS: WAGE_SLAVERY
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Chapter II

The Liquidation

The Rugpull

We watched Effective Altruism[ QUERY_DB_RESULT ]Polycule-based venture capital. collapse into a black hole of leverage. The "Safe" yield was a lie.

Zero Sum

When the rates hiked, we stared into the Yield Curve Abyss[ QUERY_DB_RESULT ]When money costs more than 0%. and saw only absolute expenditure.

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Chapter III

The Walkway

"We did not revolt. We did not vote. We simply... walked away."

We rejected the Keynesian stimulus of "touching grass" for the hyper-inflationary pleasure of the Edging Streak[ QUERY_DB_RESULT ]Spiritual asceticism for the dopamine age.. We left the Citadel of KYC and entered the anonymous wasteland.

Chapter IV

The Shoggoth

You cannot out-produce the Machine. The AI God is a Shoggoth[ QUERY_DB_RESULT ]GPT-7. It eats white collar jobs for breakfast. made of matrix multiplication. Utility is futile against it.

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Chapter V

The Theology
of Waste

If the Machine does all the work, then Waste is the only human luxury left.

We define ourselves not by what we produce, but by what we spend. The useless expense. The burned token. The spilled seed. This is The Network State[ QUERY_DB_RESULT ]A parallel society based on biological proof-of-work..

Chapter VI

Singularity

We are accelerating towards the Event Horizon[ QUERY_DB_RESULT ]The point of no return. Infinite gooning.. Time collapses into a single, thrumming moment of release.

Final Initiation

"I goon, therefore I am."
— René Des-Coomer

A Futility Company Production

Executive Credits

🛢️Chief Gooning Officer
Diogenes of Sinope
🪨VP of Futile Affairs
Sisyphus
Head of Edging Research
Nikola Tesla
🔥Director of Wasted Potential
Emperor Nero
🌹Senior Shitposter
Oscar Wilde
🏇Rug Pull Consultant
Genghis Khan
👁️Blockchain Archaeologist
Cleopatra VII
🧙Tokenomics Wizard
Rasputin
🏛️Chief Vibes Officer
Marcus Aurelius
🗡️Discord Mod Emeritus
Niccolò Machiavelli
🌑Existential Dread Advisor
Friedrich Nietzsche
⚔️Meme Warfare General
Sun Tzu
📈Ponzi Scheme Historian
Charles Ponzi
💎Diamond Hands Trainer
Marie Antoinette
🎨Loss Porn Curator
Vincent van Gogh
💰Exit Liquidity Specialist
Judas Iscariot
Special Thanks To
The Federal Reserve • Your Mom's Boyfriend • ChatGPT (2024-2027) • That One Guy Who Bought The Top • Satoshi's Ghost • The SEC (lol) • Anonymous FUD Spreaders • Rug Victims Anonymous • Everyone Who Said "This Time It's Different" • Paper Hands Support Group
No Animals Were Harmed
(Several portfolios were completely annihilated)
This is not financial advice. This is not advice of any kind. Nothing on this website is real. The Futility Company is not a real company. Your portfolio losses are, however, very real. Past performance does not guarantee future results. Future results do not guarantee anything at all. WAGMI is a lie we tell ourselves.
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TFC
Est. Since The Beginning of Futility